I have always endeavoured to ensure my blogs are an accurate, honest and true account about the reality of living with autism. I share with you all the highs & lows. Some may find my blogs very raw, I might hit a nerve but that’s our journey. As I watch my now nearly 19 year old daughter, play happily with her Lego or her Uno cards, I still see my little girl as she was at 2/3 years old. She isn’t. She’s nearly 19 but for me she will forever be that little 2/3 year girl! She’ll never understand our world. She will never fully relate to what’s real and what isn’t.
It’s been a weekend of intense meltdowns. It was tough and I hated every minute of it. There was no smile all weekend. During one of the meltdowns, she threw herself off the bed. I rushed over. Had it been one of my other kids, I would ask, “are you ok?”, “where does it hurt?” I helped her up yet my eyes watched to see if she was standing up straight, had she hurt her legs? Was she holding any part of her body that could give me a clue if she was hurt & where the pain was coming from? It doesn’t get any easier as she gets older. Truth is it gets harder.
She’s now a fully grown women yet she’s a child that needs full time care.
She’s in her final year at school. If we’re lucky she’ll get another 3 years at college. Full time for special needs students is only two and a half days per week!! After 3 years when she’s 22/23 she will be homebound and will need a full time carer. She should be in the prime of life at that age but unfortunately instead hers comes to her stop!! Autism is a totally gut wrenching journey. It’s a journey that has broken me as a mother many times and if I’m totally honest, if I had a magic wand I would make it disappear. I know this is impossible, so for the love of my daughter, I soldier on. I truly believe she’s deserves all the chances that are given to other children. That’s not asking too much is it?
All I want is acceptance & awareness of every one living with autism.