The Up’s & Down’s

As a parent of an autistic child, I share with you “our journey”. It’s not always easy writing about the bad days or admit to you that I’m close to breaking point, but I do. Why? Simply because I owe it to my daughter to try and make a difference. I need to ensure that there is awareness and understanding about all aspects of Autism, especially within our community. Too many parents are suffering in silence. They are too scared to say how they feel in case they are judged or worried about what will others say!! If these raw blogs can get the message out to even a few people and I can make a difference to even the life of one parent, I will feel it was all worthwhile.

It can be a very dark & lonely journey living with Autism. You are constantly battling emotions you’ve never experienced with every ounce of faith you have just to get through the day. At times when I watch her play & engage with things she’s loves, how I wish I could feel what she feels, how I wish she could express to me why Lego is so important to her. Is it the touch? The texture?The colours? or even that she can build whatever she wants with it. What is it that makes it so fascinating?

Truth is they are many of my questions that will go unanswered forever. There are things that she thinks or feels that I’ll never know. Thats the reality. Yes, it breaks my heart but I hope that by sharing our journey and providing an insight to our lives, we create more understanding, more compassion, not only for those living with autism but for us parents too. We may not have autism but we live with it each & every day. It’s taken so many of our dreams away but I choose not to be bitter. Of course I hurt but how could I ever be bitter to be given such a special gift.

Through the good days & bad we get on with it but some days I truly wish I could just have her to myself and not have to share her with autism. I’d be happy with just one “normal” conversation, just for her to tell me I’m doing the right things for her. Autism won’t ever leave our lives but I still hope & pray with all the faith that I have, that one day we will have that one conversation, that’s all I truly want.

Pam Malhi



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