Being Honest

It’s been an overwhelming few weeks in the Malhi household. Just when things appeared to be running a little smoothly, wham!!!! Everything changes in an instant! We seem to have taken 10 steps back on everything. A few days ago, Aaisha had one of her worst meltdowns, resulting in a late night rush to the hospital. She had worked herself into such a state, she couldn’t breathe properly! In that instant I too just felt my heart drop. My world froze. For a horrible moment, I thought I’d lost her..

This journey will truly be the death of me one day. Sometimes I believe that is the only time when we both will truly be free from this condition. However, this will never be an option. I will never give up. I will not let Autism get the better of us. I take comfort in the fact that I know there will be better days. Autism won’t always ruin the day. The days she smiles & laughs are when I’m the happiest the most. For a few hours, if we are very lucky, even a few days it’s all ok. There are many times I wish we could just talk, how I wish she could tell me what she’s thinking.

I won’t deny that when I see others her age I wonder what she would be like if autism wasn’t a part of her, I also know it could be worse. I know parents who have it worse then me. I pray that no parent has to experience this. For those of us who live this life on a daily basis, we merely ask for a little more compassion and understanding. In the midst of this heat wave she can’t tell me she’s hot, or she wants a cold drink or even if she fancies an ice-cream, such simple things that we don’t have.

I don’t want pity. We just want acceptance. If my daughter is having a moment in the supermarket you’ll understand if I’m in your way, or holding the queue up. If I could make it go away I would but I can’t. All I can do is help you understand the journey we are on & hope by being honest I can inspire others to give every child with autism the same chance as every other child.

This post may not be as upbeat and positive as my others, but I’m human. I’m her mother. I’m being honest and it’s not always upbeat & positive. I’m allowed to get down, she’s my baby, I won’t be beaten but I’m not ashamed to admit that I do cry at the pain this journey brings me on some days.

Pam Malhi

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3 thoughts on “Being Honest

  1. Dear Pam & Aaisha,

    I find your words very inspiring and heart touching, having worked with autistic children in mainstream school for 3 yrs I can’t claim to understand how you feel but I can say that I fell in love with each of the children I worked with. Now 6 yes later I still wonder what they would be doing. I too used to feel one day they will be adults and hoped they would meet people like myself who saw the beauty in their simplicity and uniqueness but also understood their struggles. I will be following your journey and hope maybe one day our paths may even cross….x

  2. Dear pam, could you please send me a contact email for you as i would really like to get in touch about your work,


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