The Unbreakable Bond

Autism is lifelong disability with no cure.. It’s the most heart breaking journey for her loved ones & it’s extremely difficult & painful to understand. No one asks to be born with autism, it’s just the way it is! The key is acceptance to these gifted children. I’m not the first autistic parent and I won’t be the last.

Every time I tend to her every need or want I feel my heart break & burst with pride in the same instant. Heart break because she’ll never do the things I wanted for her, pride because she’s defined the odds against her.
As much as it hurts when I know she’ll never do the things everyone her age takes for granted & boy did I want her to do everything I wasn’t allowed. She should be at Uni living her life to the fullest instead she’s still learning to count. As much as I’m tired, sleep deprived and at times living on edge. I wouldn’t change her, I’m extremely blessed to have such a special child. She’s taught me nothing is impossible, she’s taught me to see so much good in the world, she’s taught me compassion in a way no one will ever understand, she’s taught me never to take anything for granted. I don’t need pity I need acceptance & understanding for my child. She’s showed me there’s so much more to life, while most people chase money & cars to keep up with the rest of em. I chase each & every moment of happiness, every moment she smiles, each moment she’s makes progress that’s the true wealth I chase in life. To me that’s priceless my achievements may not be huge to some but they are to me, we as a family defined the odds against us, raising children ain’t easy but three including Aaisha is the biggest & proudest achievement of my life! No one chose’s to be a single parent but when the other parent leaves you have two choices, you either crumble or you step up & choose to leave your mark in the world.

I chose the second, yes it’s not easy or plain sailing, yes it tough in fact it’s very tough but I’m not your average person! I won’t let the odds define me, I won’t have anyone tell me I can’t, I have & I will continue to be the best parent I can be so I can fulfil my duty to them as their parent as Mum & Dad! I’ll be anything Ayshy, Nisa & Cammi need me to be. She’s always gonna be my Peter Pan an adult with a child’s mind.. I may have questioned my faith at one point in my life but NEVER have I been bitter about it, I’m extremely blessed that God blessed with me with such a special child who will remain pure & innocent through her life! Never will she gossip about anyone, never will she betray your trust, never will she be envious of what anyone else has, never will she be two faced, never will she be bitter, never will she know hate…How many of us can say we won’t! My journey can be a soul destroying one if I let it be, but I won’t.

I count my blessings each & every day. I’m thankful for my strength, I’m hopeful cause I have faith. I believe in humanity and compassion to all, cause thats how she made me. We didn’t choose Autism to be apart of our life’s but it’s made us all better, humbled & strong individuals as a family were each other’s strength. We are bound together by unconditional love and the truth is Aaisha is our ROCK!!

We wouldn’t be who we are if it wasn’t for her.. She’s my baby, my first born and I would go to the end of the earth for her. The next time you see a parent out shopping or doing the school run, who looks like she didn’t have time to get dressed or blow dry her hair, or even do her make up…Maybe this parent has been up most the night tending to her child who may look like a “normal” young adult to you, but as more complex & challenging needs then you will ever know or face. So people let’s just think about it for a minute instead of the OMG look some people thrown these parents, I have had to laugh them off & think to myself “you ain’t got a clue with what I deal with” yet we do and we do it with a huge smile on our face, compassion in our heart and feel everyone’s pain as if it was our own… We special needs families are no different to you, except we have a different view from our windows, we don’t stress about the state of our make up, hairstyle or the size of our car. We just hope we get through the day with smiles & laughter. Meltdown & tantrum free days are celebrated in our house. We considered ourselves very blessed & I’m thankful for my journey but I’m extremely lucky to have some truly amazing people who share my journey with love, understanding & sincere friendship. When your children drive you insane, ask too many questions, take forever in the bathroom & ask for things they don’t need but want…. be so thankful for it, some of us would love to have that…

Pam Malhi

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3 thoughts on “The Unbreakable Bond

  1. Wow that story was so touching , my daugter recently got diagnosed with ASD and its soo nicve to hear I’m not alone (: x

  2. Dear Pam,
    I commend you for not only sharing your story, but for living your life, with grace and compassion. As a mom of three young kids, I know the sacrifices I make, of my time, my independence, and my desires for my children. Every mom knows about these sacrifices. But I make them knowing that one day, my children Will not be so needy because they will grow up to be independent. I give my respect to you for the sacrifices you make daily and will continue to make for your daughter. Your hope, love, and persistence is inspiring.

    As an educational psychologist and a South Asian, I also commend you for raising awareness and putting yourself out there. Often I will ask where the South Asian kids with Autism are. I don’t see them at our weddings, parties, Gurudwara events or any other South Asian functions. And maybe large crowds are a deterrent, but I also never hear about autism in our community. However, if you walk into my schools, the South Asian kids with autism are there. I hope with you sharing your story, other parents will stop being in denial, will begin to share their pain because there is pain, will shed the shame they carry within, and start accepting that despite how difficult it is, every child deserves love and patience, and deserve to be a part of our world.

    Thank you for enlightening all of us.


    • Thank you. I can only hope that others will step up and be proud to be blessed with such a special child. Our children need awareness and acceptance from all they meet. We as a community need to understand autism & understand it is a part of our community and its our children who suffer when we don’t acceptance it

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